Duality, chaos and more..

Have you ever day dreamed about why you took up this major? About the times when you were absolutely clueless about which major to choose, or completely confused between two majors that have their own merits? And are still clueless on why you took it? Have you ever wondered (all day long) about a specific girl/guy thinking if he/she is the one for you, but then you don't know them fully, but more importantly you don't know you, to take a decision and are too afraid to decide? Then what do you do, let the time decide, As always? Or, fall in love with someone only to eventually find out this is not what you signed up for, and still not knowing what should you do?

Have you ever had to complete a lot of equally important tasks decked up, but you cannot prioritize among them that you end up doing none of these. Have you ever felt like all your friends are getting all the opportunities, but you're still trying to work your asses off also trying to decide between which of the entrance examinations you should take? Have you ever had to just keep the vehicle moving only to keep asking every couple of months the same question of "Is this what you want to do?". Do you keep doubting the career choice, that you took after careful deliberation? Do you finally figure out an interest that you should probably be pursuing to the fullest, but then you know practically that's not the best thing to do now and then kill it slowly? Do you get inspired and motivated to finally get things moving and change your life for good, and then you know, like any adult, start watching Netflix or spend on Facebook the rest of the day?

One moment you want to be the change in the society and break all the stigma and do all that matters to you and believe in bringing change, yet you cannot bring in the change, because this is the way you've been brought up and this is where you belong and this is who you're, is that you? Are you still blaming someone else for your decisions? Or are you too busy keeping head into your iPads playing Temple Run Clash of Clans to avoid any contemplation? Do you constantly try to impress others and also keep questioning your intent to do so?

Well, I could keep going, but then you get it. Yes, some people call it Mid-Life crisis (Or quarter-life crisis, whatever). Some people call it indecisiveness. Some call it duality. Some call it the world being unfair for them. Some call it depression. But then I figured, this chaos right here is life. Of course, we watch a lot of movies and expect the same. Life, though, doesn't happen to be a movie plot to have everything figured out, as much as we wish for. (Pro tip: It helps to try to believe you've all the shit figured out and are happy with the current setting.) Well, a very few (pretty much non existent, I'm sure) of you are probably fortunate to not go through these - Lucky, you!

Okay, point of this post? Still searching for it, just like we all are, for the purpose of our lives. But then one thing that I've known for sure is the feeling that I get when I try new things, when I still want to try something in spite of having failed at it a number of times (Habit formation, new languages, working out),when I love, when I read, when I laugh everyday. And, that feeling is worth all the chaos. After all, not all of us are born to become Albert Einstein. 

The year that passed and the one ahead

"The most creative times are the ones while you are at an exam or at the bathroom" -Myself

Yeah i really came up with that one, although i know its not good enough to have been stolen from someone i would like to declare it. Well, you wanna know why this quote now? I should take you back to this fact that I think, sing, talk a lot during the bath. weird? Yeah that's how i am. So the idea of writing this post too came up from one of my comtemplating sessions during bath. It all started off while i was wondering how this year could have been passed off doing nothing just like the other years. And then on deeper thinking, i realised i have had fun all through and also the year has been the one for few events in my life, which ofcourse you may not be too curious to know, still i decided to go ahead with this(atleast for myself).

Well i am not really that good at memory, so it may not be from the beginning of the year or in the chronological order also. Also i dont think i can remember my bad/ low times, obviously because our minds register the happy times better than the rest, which we ourselves would like to forgot, but i'm rather happy that there have been not too many of those-kinda incidents.

1. The confusion:

This was(/still is) the period for most of the engineers(of my batch) to start thinking of the answer for the ubiquitous question "Whats next?". Yeah you guessed it right from my usage of the word "ubiquitous" that i gave my GRE and TOEFL. Though it was rather a failure, it was infact #NotSoBad compared to few of my friends. Well, now dont think i'm going to the U.S in few months. No thats not happening even though my family so wanted that to happen.After all the confusions through the year,things are a bit clear now. I am anyway not too fascinated about "going abroad" and all. Its always better to be a mediocre here than a failure there (#DamnThePessimistMe). That's the whole point.

2.My photo on First Page of The Hindu:

Yes, you heard it right. My photo was on the first page of The Hindu's regional edition (ofcourse that's great thing! no? no!!? okay) as a part of an Ad for my University. That particular photo was a bad choice but it ended up in the newspaper. The Ad also appeared in some 7th page of TOI in chennai edition,too. And ofcourse, I was not selected based on the topper's list(just in case u thought so.)

3.The Hostel Life:

The year had been more than "fun" for me. With all those friends around, i never felt like boring, which most of my Chennai friends ask me everytime i meet them. Special mention to those juniors who made it even more memorable with all the HALWA-bringing everytime, Empuzzled-playing-times, short-film-koothu, birthday-bashes and those Nova-and-paati-kadai-eatings.

4.Sleep:

Well, many-a-times we could hear people telling sleep is very important and then i took it up literally. While, the number of hours i end up sleepin per day fascinates people, i used to feel its always better to sleep rather than doing nothing. Such vetty(jobless) i had been.

5.Facebook:

Next to sleep, most time i spent at is facebook. Yeah, i got super-active in the virtual life, while sitting at the same place (before my laptop like i am now) all the time. Atleast, it is an anodyne for vetty guys like me and hence FB. I dunno if I will be able to come out of this addiction, atleast this year. But since i believe addictions are usually replaced by addictions, hopefully the next addiction shall not be worser.

6.The Job:

Well, this was the placements time in my college. You know, it was really fun attending the training, the first interview, seeing your friends getting placed, finally getting placed too. I got placed in an IT company. This takes me to the time when the computer and internet was getting popular i was in my tenth grade or something, when being a software engineer was the coolest thing to be and a great thing, too. And then i started getting interested in computers. That's not the point now, the point is after all these years the craze for the software industry has almost come down and now people are running behind the so called "core job" because almost anyone (without the worst luck) can end up with the IT job these days, as most of us know.

7.Blogging:

Oh yeah! i started to write a tech-blog. Ofcourse its only the daily technology like tips for fb, twitter and other softwares and not my engineering subjects if you thought so. But as it has happened for so many, the microblogging took over blogging. And for a person like me who can sit thoroughout the day in FB but not a few hours with a book ( i mean novel here), I couldnt help but get distracted to other things. Atleast it got me busy for a month or two.

8. The Newly found Love:

Well, before you start thinking something else, let me make this point also clear here, i was and have ended the year (2011) SINGLE (tada..). i dont really regret so much for this except ofcourse for the times when i meet my old friend and he suddenly introduces his girlfriend and think "is it only me?"... or in the road, when a damn hot girl goes with a dumb or atleast dumb-looking guy and then the feeling of i-chose-to-be-so takes over and makes things easy :P

Yeah, coming back to the love that struck me this year and that is "PHOTOGRAPHY". i had come up with this status update sometime back saying - Facebook is the mother of so many photographers and the father of many models. The encouragement u get when u post a good pic on FB or the likes when you change your photo, you know, that is the driving force for so many people. Rather inspired from many of my friends on FB, I am entering this field of photography. It is wonderful and keeps me busy too. I am just a beginner right now and just hope atleast 2012 makes me a better photographer,(atleast).

"Stay Busy, Stay Happy" - Told by my friend Karthik and i feel its so apt for life.

P.S: Oh shit, i forgot to mention( this one, probably to myself), this year was the year i started getting white hairs.Very few. But still.. An event in my life :D

P.P.S: I am not sorry if this is not interesting for you. since this is my life and its enough if it is for me atleast.*attitude eh?* :D