Duality, chaos and more..

Have you ever day dreamed about why you took up this major? About the times when you were absolutely clueless about which major to choose, or completely confused between two majors that have their own merits? And are still clueless on why you took it? Have you ever wondered (all day long) about a specific girl/guy thinking if he/she is the one for you, but then you don't know them fully, but more importantly you don't know you, to take a decision and are too afraid to decide? Then what do you do, let the time decide, As always? Or, fall in love with someone only to eventually find out this is not what you signed up for, and still not knowing what should you do?

Have you ever had to complete a lot of equally important tasks decked up, but you cannot prioritize among them that you end up doing none of these. Have you ever felt like all your friends are getting all the opportunities, but you're still trying to work your asses off also trying to decide between which of the entrance examinations you should take? Have you ever had to just keep the vehicle moving only to keep asking every couple of months the same question of "Is this what you want to do?". Do you keep doubting the career choice, that you took after careful deliberation? Do you finally figure out an interest that you should probably be pursuing to the fullest, but then you know practically that's not the best thing to do now and then kill it slowly? Do you get inspired and motivated to finally get things moving and change your life for good, and then you know, like any adult, start watching Netflix or spend on Facebook the rest of the day?

One moment you want to be the change in the society and break all the stigma and do all that matters to you and believe in bringing change, yet you cannot bring in the change, because this is the way you've been brought up and this is where you belong and this is who you're, is that you? Are you still blaming someone else for your decisions? Or are you too busy keeping head into your iPads playing Temple Run Clash of Clans to avoid any contemplation? Do you constantly try to impress others and also keep questioning your intent to do so?

Well, I could keep going, but then you get it. Yes, some people call it Mid-Life crisis (Or quarter-life crisis, whatever). Some people call it indecisiveness. Some call it duality. Some call it the world being unfair for them. Some call it depression. But then I figured, this chaos right here is life. Of course, we watch a lot of movies and expect the same. Life, though, doesn't happen to be a movie plot to have everything figured out, as much as we wish for. (Pro tip: It helps to try to believe you've all the shit figured out and are happy with the current setting.) Well, a very few (pretty much non existent, I'm sure) of you are probably fortunate to not go through these - Lucky, you!

Okay, point of this post? Still searching for it, just like we all are, for the purpose of our lives. But then one thing that I've known for sure is the feeling that I get when I try new things, when I still want to try something in spite of having failed at it a number of times (Habit formation, new languages, working out),when I love, when I read, when I laugh everyday. And, that feeling is worth all the chaos. After all, not all of us are born to become Albert Einstein. 

All that I wanted to know about the USA before I came in here

I've always asked my friends at the States about the life abroad and how different it is from what it is in India. Well I'd heard some details before, but almost none of them actually wrote about it. So  now that I'm here at the USA, I should probably write this while I'm still trying to figure out what makes this place coveted? What makes this place different?

P.S: Some of these may seem quite obvious or silly to many of you; Well, it's just my observations and my way of seeing things, so you're free to skip the read if you feel so. 

• It was indeed a total surprise for me that the same Indians who threw trash all over the road, went on spitting, never even gave a second thought for doing that here in the states. Reason? Tickets, tickets and tickets. Surprisingly, law works here. The discipline actually comes right from the moment you step into the airport.
• There are no stray dogs or cats.. Well, then now there are people like us. :P Nah seriously! I couldn't find any other native people actually walking on the road *astray*. Blame the weather, maybe?
• Another huge surprise, seriously, was the fact people actually stop at "STOP" signs. Ridiculous.. Who stops at stop sign when there are no people or no cars around? Well, if you're in the US, you must do, as well. There's a cost you pay for being at the first world country, eh? 
• Coming to work, people actually work their asses off in their "limited work time". Yes, I've heard about this before. But wait, after coming from the culture of the "bulk IT company" from India where most people pretend to work, this is indeed a surprise to witness. Right from the managers, the sales staff, I'm not really sure what rewards points they're driven by, but they make sure customer gets what he needs, including the Government staff (trust me!!)
• IPhone: And to come in terms with reality, iPhones are not cheap, definitely not the recent ones. There are more complicated stuff like contracts and I'm still wondering how people bring "cheap iPhone" from the US. I agree, it's probably a little cheaper. 
• Courtesy: I've always wondered back then at India, if things could actually be better if we were served at banks, stores with a little more courtesy. Well, now I got it here and definitely cant complain. They're probably being paid a little more for being nice?
• Another thing I've heard about from before and was rather not too surprising is that complete strangers smile and greet at you. And this happens irrespective of the gender, race. Whoa? I've seen strangers marrying back at India but wait, do you really go to a "stranger" girl and ask her how her day is? I can hear some girls saying creepy, already. Well, some/most of the greetings happen to be fake pleasantries, I'd have to admit. If it can make a stranger's day better?
• People actually care about personal space and there's no concept of over crowding on buses to the point to no breathing space like in India. But wait, who wants to wait for the next bus, when you can manage to get in the already crowded bus ?
• Then I've heard the "roads are too damn clean that you can actually go on and eat on the roads" from the NRIs of yesteryears. Well, the roads are indeed clean but you obviously wouldn't even dare to pick the spilled food particle from the floor and have it again :P

Most of all the differences, oneof my most favorite one is the fact that Nobody here gives a damn, here.

Rant of an engineer

I've always loved conversations that lead to debates and eventually make me think. One such recent conversation was about the pros and cons of growing up in India versus abroad. Now, I've not been to the States *yet*, but I do have a fair insight about the life there, thanks to my friends and Quora. Of all the things, one quality or rather privilege that kids at the abroad are entitled to, is the possibility of doing what one likes, which nurtures individuality. On the other hand here in India, needless to say most of you know of the 'situation' here, as the famous tweet goes – “people first become engineers and then figure out what they want to become”. 

 As much as I'd like to blame the parents and society, they're not the only ones to be blamed, for, it is economics that comes foremost here before any decision after all.

Being told what to do, every single time, by the parents or uncles/ aunts or even neighbors, a kid grows up under peer pressure, being spoon-fed, to be an engineer that is, at least most of them. So if at all the passions survives in him, he rebels to become what he always wanted to be, but only after losing half of it in all the drama. And then there are a few who actually find their passion in between all the boring classes of engineering. But then they'd have come so far, so they just go along with the flow; prepare for competitive exams without knowing why. Of course, there's not much else they can do in this country. The sad state here is that, even after all the movies or whatever, when the parents understand and stop controlling him, stop wanting him to become what they couldn't be, in most of the cases he would not be able to decide for himself by then. For, after all this time of spoon-feeding, the creative kid in him is long dead.

Let’s just look at a typical kid growing up in abroad. As soon as he’s 18, he leaves the home to find his life. He starts by being independent, working petty jobs and feeding his passion. And he just goes on to develop this and eventually become successful. Only the real-passionate ones go to college and then to University for post graduate in anything technical. No wonder most of them reach the heights, but not after many failures. Now this, this exactly, gives him more confidence, more individuality in life, something that Indians unfortunately seem to lack.

In India, while one section of the population is struggling to get an education and there is now an emphasis on Right to Education and all, we should also pause and take a look at the section of kids who do not have the right to not study. Now, this might sound crazy. People with learning disability, people with no slightest interest in “studies”, are all forced into studies and eventually engineering rather than actually doing what they are passionate about. One should be allowed to nurture the talent that is rather unique to him. How many times have we seen or experienced small kids being gagged with too much homework and cut down on all the play-time, killing the foundation for the creativity for life. While there is an innate emphasis on education in our culture, there is also this thing wrong in our system. Of course change is not very much possible now with little opportunities in India. But while we try to eradicate poverty through education, we should also remember to nurture some individuality, liberty to think, and become what one wants, even if it means some failures initially. According to me, THIS is true development. 

 (Too much to ask for? If the mindsets change, trust me, there's definitely a chance.)

Image courtesy: Every damn meme page on FB. It's gone viral because almost everyone can relate to.

Being an atheist in India..

I've always been wanting to write about this, but putting it off. But a few recent small talks I had with strangers triggered this again. Well, five minutes of conversation with me, there's a fair chance you may actually guess it. For, in India, it is something people always cling to. Open up a conversation with someone random, it just appears. Being an atheist in India is no easy thing after all, being looked down, left out. Well, if you had guessed it, it's bout my apathy for this religion called Cricket. :D Yes, for those of you who dint know, it's true.

While it's no one's fault that people assume you play err.. or at least follow cricket by default, this post I think could be an eye opener to people that some people of my species do exist. Well, I havent found many like me yet. Being a "misfit", there are always these awkward moments when it comes down to this conversation. Based on my mood, sometimes I just smile and subtly avoid it or sometimes tell with all pride. Sometimes, when someone is expected to show sympathy, I keep my face grim and say the word that should not be uttered "I dont follow cricket". I got used to the regular questions of What? Really? Okay so WHAT ELSE do you do? So as it turns out I have turned out to be the most boring for a few and (Uh it's part of the sentence) most interesting person, for a few. Out of curiosity, I even ended up asking others like me, on Quora.

Well, cons first. Since, you know, it's much easier. Awkward moments. Awkward moments everywhere. Miss out on conversations, hangouts. Wondering how do I even escape the conversations? Well, I just dont. Just like in the "A Beautiful Mind" movie, they still exist, I've learnt to live with them. So have my friends with me. If incase I take part in quizzes, I'd lose on the obvious ones. Heh I dont generally go for quizzes anyways.Sometimes you hear the whole hostel (or apartments now) shout in frenzy and you have no frigging clue why. And Oh Yes, We only have one Tv at home and so I've stopped watching Tv as such, for obvious reasons.

Pro? I stand out (Stand out of conversations?). Ofcourse I'm different, with just set of interests. More time (to waste on different things?). You know I could just do anything I want. Read books, watch a movie.Or come back to social media and keep ignoring the updates on cricket.

Whenever someone who asks me to play cricket along with them (Sometimes people do, I dunno why), I just reply them with this one-liner on another old proverb and they'd be gone. "Mazhaikku Na ground pakkam odungunathu illa) I know it turns out awkward to be translated into English, but here it goes - I havent taken shelter in the ground even during rain (adversities) - Well that's the irony :P

Well, As much as I almost forget that I'm atheist in this regard, I get reminded every now and then. But then I dont care.

P.S: I dont follow football either. Okay You can ask me the What-else-I-do. I'd prefer to skip that question.
P.P.S: Incase you were wondering, When it comes to real religion, nah I'm not an atheist *yet*.

What defines you?

Okay, Everyone of us has faced the question "Tell me about yourself" in interviews or have been introduced, or had to introduce oneself.. How do you go about? Most of us look for the template.. Well, you just say about "occupation" and then where you come from.. And not go any further.. But think deeper, are you really, what you re doing? Or are you defined by where you come?

Read this recently somewhere:

"What do u do for a Living??"

" I Read.. I Travel.. I Love.. I Laugh.."

"No. How do you earn your bread??"

"Oh I Work.. But that's not LIVING.."

Most of the time, we happen to be defined by where we belong, and we just oblige and get along with the definition. In that case, too many people in India just get tagged as "Software engineers". But every one has got *unique set of* interests, a combination of which I believe defines him. Well , I just found out the true meaning of "There's more to it than it meets the eye".

Too many of us have developed various interests over time, growing up, which makes life interesting. Just go to Twitter/Quora and you can notice the exact same thing. So,you know, the next time you introduce yourself , atleast to me, I'd like to hear about your interests too! 

Why the cat is no more..

Nah this aint about my pet cat that's dead. Infact, I don't have one. It's about the curious cat in all of us, which used to be alive and kicking, but that now happens to be as good as dead.

I can still remember how much fun it used to be, just watching a plumber get deep into the well at the backyard when something was wrong with the well, a carpenter shaving off the swollen door during winter, or a Blue cross personnel catching the mad dog at the backyard strategically, or dropping a small seed and watching it sprout and eventually flower. Back then, as a child, we were always interested in the things around , looking for new things to learn. So have interesting things stopped happening? Or do we know everything already? Okay, there aren't too many plants around to watch them grow. But why are we afraid to try out new things? Why do we fail to enjoy the nature?

Naturally, people tend to become less curious and less interesting from ageing. But what of the children of the present? With an iPhone or a Samsung S series in hand right from the age of 5 and with any information at the fingertip (touch) one would hardly want to play around the trees, even if they could.

On a funny note, Another day when Whatsapp was inaccessible from BSNL servers, apparently, as many sites seemed to suggest, blocked, I myself was googling to find out what the problem was. There was this guy who had commented on the webpage complaining  how totalitarian our government is, to block whatsapp and how we should actually start a mass protest against it for this Whoa. :D

 These are just instances that remind us how dependent addicted we are on technology and social media. Leaving  the keeping in touch with people abroad part aside,what’s startling is, how much we cant keep ourselves entertained without technology, even for a day. How many of us are able to enjoy solitude(of course without technology) ?

With phones and apps with taglines of “do more,” I’m left wondering how much more we could be doing without the instant connectivity.  As a technophile myself , I can't help but think how blinded we are by technology and how technology tends to kill the creativity in us. The cat is no more..

What the solitude can teach you..

As I hopped down from my bus, in the darkness, I took out my mobile, half cursing my life and half still laughing in my mind. For, it was THE (in caps, as you can see) Friday night and here I was, back from a really-tiring-long day and the latter, over the Chandler's sarcasm and Joey's dumbness from the episodes had I watched during the travel-back. It read 11.15 PM and there began my lonely walk back home.

Being out in the mid-night, is not a foreign thing for me. So many times I have been there, returning from the night-shows. This time it was a little different. I was walking. There's only me and then Ilayaraja's music. Oh wait, and then my brain, which wouldn't stop thinking stuff.

There they were, in front of me, the hard-working people still busy ready-ing to close down their makeshift shops. Slowly peddling the cycle with hot can of tea beginning his day. Men and women, and children, sleeping on the platforms, carefree of the future that we all are afraid to confront not being able to sleep thinking of that, in our AC rooms, but there they were inside the mosquito-shield, oblivious of the world. 

And then, on the other-hand, there were these frames of silhouettes of people, from the headlights of the bikes. The ray of smoke from people smoking their lungs-out. Lonely sad dogs, probably wondering what-a-dog life it's leading, just like some of us are. Grim-vacant sodium-lamp-lit streets that can probably remind you of all the sad things in life, if u keep looking. Strange-looking strangers, who are probably thinking the same about you. Gang of friends having a hearty laugh not willing to leave the restaurant anytime soon. The rag-picker strolling around with hope. The remains in front of the TASMAC shop, which are strong remainder of the fact that it was Friday evening , a little while ago. 

Long walk, eh? Dint seem like it, though.